"Everybody loves me. Babies, dogs, hot girls, cougars."

I feel like MTV's new show, Jersey Shore, simply cannot escape discussion. Not since Jerry Springer has debauchery, idiocy and random violence been so fabulously celebrated on the boob tube in one neat and entertaining forum. Vinny, Paulie, Ronnie, Sammie, Jwow, Snookie, Angelina, and last, but certainly not least, Mike "The Situation" are a delightful train wreck; a sinful indulgence and shocking view into the newly-blossoming branch of the dysfunctional, American-reality-TV-show, family tree.

For those of you who have not been blessed with this shockumentary experience, Jersey Shore pits 8 self-proclaimed "guidos and guidettes" (whatever that really means) in a Real World-type environment. The housemates are required to work shifts in the landlord's T-shirt shop in return for free rent (and national infamy,) but get the rest of the time to style their gelled-up hair (I've never seen someone actually use an entire bottle of hair gel in a single session) get drunk and start fights (what more could a guido ask for?) What eventually ensues from this cookie-cutter, MTV set-up is more than even the most sinister TV exec could conjure up in his wildest and most wicked of dreams.

Whilst there are numerous viewing gems to be discovered in Jersey Shore, I especially enjoyed the step by step "guido dance lesson" or as Paulie D and Ronnie so eloquently put it: "beatin' up that beat" (though, the floor-slapping, spasmodic hip-gyrations and fist-pumping resembled more an African Anteater Ritual than actual dancing.) I think, however, one of the most iconic sound bites from this already legendary series comes from the show's only (as of yet) evictee, Angelina. When pressed on why she refuses to go in to work she retorts, in all honesty mind you, "I feel this job is beneath me. I'm a bartender. I do great things." We know you do, Angelina. Many a life has been saved by your deftly concocted Appletinis. How late is Applebee's open again?

But more importantly than its outlandish characters, however, is the show's focus on educating the glass-eyed, TV-obsessed, teenage masses…because at the end of the day, Jersey Shore is not simply another sensationalistic exploitation of America's underbelly, but a modern Lyceum, the likes of which even Aristotle would be proud. Where else could I say that I learned how to use a whole bottle of hair gel to style a frickin' sweet blowout, or how to simultaneously (and smoothly - thanks Situation) swap chicks that aren't "digging the hot tub" with some appropriately intoxicated skanks who are? I learned that a giant stenciled Cadillac emblem on your living room wall can only be outdone by one tattooed on your wicked-hot bod (nice one, DJ Paulie D.) And of course, (nimbly tying in the theme of education) I learned that NYC school teachers will hit a bitch if she mouths off too much.

Ladies and Gentlemen...The Jersey Shore.