Losing Tastes Like Obeisity

INT. MIDDLE-CLASS HOME - DAY

Two sweaty, 12 year old boys in soccer uniforms sit on the carpeted stairs of a good-sized, suburban home. The boy on the left turns and says

BOY #1

Winning is my favorite thing.

The second kid looks quizzically at his friend. Obviously, the soccer game did not go their way.

BOY #2
But we lost today.

Insert small pepperoni pizza piping hot.

BOY #1
(smiling broadly)
No we didn't.

The two boys hungrily dig into the offered pizza slices and laugh as the song “We’re the Kids in America” starts playing in the background...

In the wake of the recent shooting in Arizona and a new spotlight cast on the responsibility of our words and how they influence others, commercials like this one paint an irresponsible picture for our next generation. What exactly is the message in this commercial? It doesn’t matter who wins or loses as long as you get a high caloric and nutritionally devoid snack after it? With that logic, we’ll just end up a nation of overweight losers...wait, ruh roh.

While children shouldn’t be bread into heartless sharks bent on winning at all costs, saying it's not just ok to lose but also to reward oneself with hurtful vices is teaching children a dangerous lesson: placate your failure with feel-good distractions even if they’re detrimental to your health, wealth and prosperity. Next thing you know we’ll get dropped from the list of most productive economies, suffer increasing unemployment and have wrestlers, actors and tea-bagging, sports anchors occupying our political offices...wait, doh!

Where Do You Lie???

This book was recommmended to me, and after some research on it, I'm genuinely excited. Has anyone else read it? If so, let me know your thoughts!

America's GNP...lil Rush Limbaughs

America's new national export... prepubescent conservatism. Woo hoo. Touted as the next Rush Limbaugh, 14 yr old Jonathan Krohn may indeed be the new face of neo-conservatism.

Now, brushing aside the obvious political banter, I am not interested (in this post, at least) in pushing some political agenda. On the contrary, I find the far more interesting side of the story to be our nation's preoccupation with youth and the political fostering of this home schooled child. It's a little sad when the betterment of society misses out on a superior mind. And while there are a million valid reasons (at least to the people who make them) for the societal value of politics and political theory, its only real, intrinsic value comes through its social commentary; a snapshot of our current public state-of-mind. It does NOT improve it however. At the heart of politics is an extremely complicated set of practices and institutions bent on reorganizing, reinforcing, or maintaining balances of power, and the pursuit of the best practices and control over the most influential institutions is [by far] more of an American pastime than baseball ever was.

I also find it mildly ironic that the majority of this child's life is spent in pursuit of an arena of society which he can only tangentially affect (although, some would argue that speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) is much more than a tangentially influential affectation.)

Should We All Suffer Equally??

I am, in the wake of the socially-monumental, same-sex marriage vote (re: prop 8,) pushing the controversial envelope with an open (and respectful) forum to discuss this incendiary issue. I intend to posit the best arguments on BOTH sides (and welcome feedback from you). While some may question which arguments qualify as best, or if there are really any good arguments by the opposition (whichever side of the fence you mow,) I will take only one from each. The decision will be totally subjective, but I do have my moments of serene objectivity and lucid decision-making (mind you, this comes from the same noodle that thought taking apart all the clocks in my house and putting them back together was a reasonable afternoon activity for a bored 8 yr old, but I digress)

Over the next week, as I try to round up the good, the bad and the ugly points-of-view from each lobbying group, please let me know what YOUR opinion is. I promise I will read, digest and respond to all comers (not the biggest feat considering I only have 27 followers, but still, it's the thought that counts.) I also promise that if you come up with a better argument than my own or any I've found, I will give you full credit, a chocolate chip cookie, a gold star, my favorite tee-shirt, and wash your car. If that's not enough, you'll of course have the honor of being exhalted by the 27 coolest people on the planet. How can you say no to that??

"Everybody loves me. Babies, dogs, hot girls, cougars."

I feel like MTV's new show, Jersey Shore, simply cannot escape discussion. Not since Jerry Springer has debauchery, idiocy and random violence been so fabulously celebrated on the boob tube in one neat and entertaining forum. Vinny, Paulie, Ronnie, Sammie, Jwow, Snookie, Angelina, and last, but certainly not least, Mike "The Situation" are a delightful train wreck; a sinful indulgence and shocking view into the newly-blossoming branch of the dysfunctional, American-reality-TV-show, family tree.

For those of you who have not been blessed with this shockumentary experience, Jersey Shore pits 8 self-proclaimed "guidos and guidettes" (whatever that really means) in a Real World-type environment. The housemates are required to work shifts in the landlord's T-shirt shop in return for free rent (and national infamy,) but get the rest of the time to style their gelled-up hair (I've never seen someone actually use an entire bottle of hair gel in a single session) get drunk and start fights (what more could a guido ask for?) What eventually ensues from this cookie-cutter, MTV set-up is more than even the most sinister TV exec could conjure up in his wildest and most wicked of dreams.

Whilst there are numerous viewing gems to be discovered in Jersey Shore, I especially enjoyed the step by step "guido dance lesson" or as Paulie D and Ronnie so eloquently put it: "beatin' up that beat" (though, the floor-slapping, spasmodic hip-gyrations and fist-pumping resembled more an African Anteater Ritual than actual dancing.) I think, however, one of the most iconic sound bites from this already legendary series comes from the show's only (as of yet) evictee, Angelina. When pressed on why she refuses to go in to work she retorts, in all honesty mind you, "I feel this job is beneath me. I'm a bartender. I do great things." We know you do, Angelina. Many a life has been saved by your deftly concocted Appletinis. How late is Applebee's open again?

But more importantly than its outlandish characters, however, is the show's focus on educating the glass-eyed, TV-obsessed, teenage masses…because at the end of the day, Jersey Shore is not simply another sensationalistic exploitation of America's underbelly, but a modern Lyceum, the likes of which even Aristotle would be proud. Where else could I say that I learned how to use a whole bottle of hair gel to style a frickin' sweet blowout, or how to simultaneously (and smoothly - thanks Situation) swap chicks that aren't "digging the hot tub" with some appropriately intoxicated skanks who are? I learned that a giant stenciled Cadillac emblem on your living room wall can only be outdone by one tattooed on your wicked-hot bod (nice one, DJ Paulie D.) And of course, (nimbly tying in the theme of education) I learned that NYC school teachers will hit a bitch if she mouths off too much.

Ladies and Gentlemen...The Jersey Shore.

The Single Most Important Question of this New Year

How are we to pronounce 2010? Is it the chic "twenty ten", the lavish "two thousand ten" or the minimalistic "10"? It seems that this is the burning question in offices, coffee shops and elevators nationwide. Bravo America for keeping the sophistication of social discourse running at peak performance.

To Block or Not to Block...THAT is the Question

Peter wants to share his Perfect Bunches of Lilies with you!

Do you, Peter?? Do you really???

I know that I'm bringing it on myself, to certain degree (I can, after all, take responsibility for my own actions...sometimes,) but I am wavering on "unfriending" you on Facebook. You've taken it upon yourself to habitually invite me to every inane, online application, event and fan group possible. No, I don't care which new flower you've planted in Farmville, who's joined your gang in Mob Wars or which pseudo-celebrity has your panties in a bunch. Are you really that bored (and lazy) that you spend your time on the computer harvesting imaginary plots of land, recruiting fictional goodfellas or trying to get me to be VP of the national, Carrot Top fan club??

STOP SENDING THIS CRAP TO ME BEFORE I BLOCK YO ASS!!

I realize that Facebook has evolved into a juggernaut of an infinitely-scalable, social networking platform, but at some point enough is enough. Practice a little restraint, Peter! I know that you (and other Facebookers) legitimately have interesting events going on (and for that reason, I don't block invites outright) but I'm fairly sure that you, along with many of my other friends (and I use that term loosely as we are talking about Facebook, here) aren't so bubbling over with altruism that you just need, ABSOLUTELY NEED, to share your fantastic, daily adventures with me. What I suspect is that you (and your itchy, trigger-fingered, e-viting cohorts) really don't have much going on in "reality" (completely justifiable air quotes, btw) and try to make up the difference with a booked-up, virtual social calendar instead...I'm not fooled.

And That is Why You Fail...

I've left this below article unedited, and have freely given it the floor first before airing my response.

American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

     We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.
     Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.



Here is a model separation agreement:


     Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

     We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

     We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

     You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

     We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

     We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

     You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

     We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

     Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.



Sincerely,


John J. Wall

Law Student and an American


P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheehan, Barbara Streisand, &

Jane Fonda with you..


P. S. S. And we won't have to press 1 for English.

Mr Wall,


     While I think your little diatribe has been spun with a modicum of wit (and holds true to a conservative stance even in the face of apparent ridiculousness…I mean, who really wants the rednecks?) and a flair for comedy, it really is a sad statement of where we are as a people and a nation. The fact that there still exists individuals with intelligence (and I use that term loosely) who continue to equate healthcare with luxury or compassion of the financially less fortunate with triviality is equal parts frustrating, laughable and dangerous.
     Intellect fostered by education (which I would assume you would undergo in Law School...but on second thought, maybe not) should push back against the subjectivity of our station of birth and help us see beyond ourselves into the vista of objectivity and result in a healthier world-view. Instead, your letter reeks of narrow-mindedness, self-interest and hate (disguised as tongue-in-cheek humor.)
     When you practice intolerance and wear your condescension like a badge, you debase yourself and all who come before and follow you. Have we really rebounded back in time to the ideologies of the cold war and the tenants of imperialism? The very reason we aren't like Iraq, Afghanistan or any other "enemy" nation to which you allude is that we have a dichotomy of thought and perspective in this country. The conservatives keep the economy running and the liberals keep our society from falling completely into the hands of immoral tyrants. It's worked so far. Hopefully, we'll be able to meet somewhere in the middle down the line where we aren't synchronously reliant on welfare and intent on forcing others on to it. 
     We can have a win-win economy and a win-win society, if we but simply admit the possibility of its existence. Why not focus the laser of your mind on a slightly loftier goal and worry more about how we can improve the state of affairs for all versus concerning yourself with the seat of blame?

Sincerely,
Browe W. Merriweather
Human

P.S. I also find it funny that the liberals, Obama supporters or to whomever else you allude in your letter were the very people that largely bailed out your precious wall street jackals and fatcat CEO's (wow, welfare's not that bad when you're on the receiving end, huh?)


P.P.S Yeah, that's how you write post-postscript, you donkey. Not P.S.S. Try reading books instead of burning them.

Sometimes Beating a Dead Horse Just Makes Your Arm Tired

Current President, Barack Obama, has received the Nobel Peace prize under a hail of political gunfire (though he's probably getting used to it by now.) I had no idea that the MSN, FoxNews, Facebook, and Twitter communities were so sensitive to the Nobel Prize committee's annual choice. Can any of the multitude of bitchy bloggers name a past winner from this decade...probably not...can they even correctly pronounce the names of any recent winners...probably not (Jimmy Carter doesn't count.) But aside from the nation's general ignorance and its equally effluent love of gossiping, I'm really at a loss in understanding the uproar of protest at Obama being given the prize. To the countless Obama detractors, I'd say, "It's not something that he lobbied for; he was chosen. Does he deserve it? Who knows...chances are, more than you."

Why can't we focus on some of the real issues, like supporting and discussing the initiatives that he is trying to enact to improve our country? Why can't we at least be proud of our nation's president for receiving such a prestigious honor? Why do we delight so much in denegrating instead of congratulating? Let's just lend support to our president now that we actually have one that doesn't seem to revel in blatantly disregarding America's common good. Let's take a step back to move forward. Maybe there IS change on the horizon...perhaps it's only obscured by the smoking keyboards of this country's cynics and nay-sayers.

How Do I Loathe Thee, Let Me Count the Ways

I find it absurdly ironic that I, at once, detest most of the writing I have been seeing as of late from others, but absolutely love, love, love to read. Let me qualify this: I've been reading a number of blogs, witticisms and posts, and find the majority of them vapid; only feigning at truly being clever. With biting one-liners and provocative allusury, these ever-increasing writers (and I wholly recognize my inclusion amongst them) comment on everything from Parisian fashion to Paris Hilton. Fashion writers, travel bloggers, relationship experts, sports fanatics...The litany of nouveau authors is seemingly endless, and with the advent or evolution (or really, de-evolution) of modern writing and texting vocabulary, everyone thinks they have a voice worth hearing...and therein lies the caveate...WORTH...HEARING. I know that writing is re-writing and this vocation is a craft, but I sincerely hope that either the standard of writing or those who chose to write get a kick in the (talent) pants sometime soon...p.s. I'm not holding my breath.

Dogma

"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." Dalai Lama

I feel like this is the simplest and truest of all religious ideology I've heard. God forbid I post it on my Facebook page as I would be surely inundated with emails and comments from the religious right and Bible-bashers. I never quite understood why what should be the most allowing, accepting and all-encompassing of our moral philosophies (i.e our religion) usually inspires the greatest intolerance, ignorance and hatred of and by our fellow man.

I'm Beginning to Hate Facebook

I really am...with a passion. Unfortunately, I'm addicted to it, and I guess like all addictions, the very same thing that you love soon becomes an idol of loathing. What started out as a simple way to keep in contact with all of my friends has been bastardized into the very activity that I seek to avoid in everyday life. Mainly, a sense of responsibility to remain in contact with people whom I don't wish to know, and an unhealthy preoccupation with the affairs of others. This age of electronic addiction, and constant "connectedness" in a disconnected culture is at once comfortable and completely unsettling. As I spend an inordinate amount of time on Facebook, texting or emailing, I am deeply saddened that instead of feeling more and more a part of the real world, I feel surprisingly more and more removed from it. I also, consequently, find it vaguely ironic that I am even spending the time writing this blog. Nobody reads these things anyway. Except you...loser. :p

Woman Fights Back Against Bank of America

http://blogs.moneycentral.msn.com/smartspending/archive/2009/09/15/woman-revolts-won-t-pay-credit-card-bill.aspx?CommentPosted=true%23commentmessage

In reference to an article about a lady who refuses to pay her Bank of America bill because she suddenly had a 30% rate hike despite never being late or missing a payment.

Awesome. These banks are the criminals. They've been feeding off of us for decades like a parasite giving the average Joe the illusion of attaining "middle class" standing through credit. Recently, they've just become greedy. I think it's the power and the right of the people to stand up to tyranny. We still have a voice. These banks WILL take EVERYTHING if we let them. To the people who say, "Just shut up and pay your bill," I'll still have sympathy for you when you lose your job, get burned by rate hikes, your dog gets hit by a car or you are just facing especially tough times and feeling overwhelmed in this slowly crumbling economic market. Know who the real enemy is...seriously. It's certainly not the average consumer or American!