This Election

I'm sad to say that I have gotten little to be proud about concerning the upcoming election. Up to this point, the only things that I have witnessed emerging with any regularity are the Republicans' ability to lie straight-faced and loud-voiced and their constituents' ability to lap it up as if it came from God's lips. The fact is that Obama is NOT responsible for many of the horrible economic situations present today. In fact, he has done a pretty good job of trying to clean up the mess handed to him by arguably-the-worst-president-in-our-history, Mr George W. Bush. I think a comedian said it best, in terms of the Republican argument against Obama's re-election...and I'm paraphrasing here...is like making a mess and then getting mad at someone for not cleaning up quickly enough. How about some more cooperation America? Let's work together to turn this ship around before our pride and ignorance run us aground into the sandbar of economic ruination.

America the Great...Not for Long

I’m getting pretty fed up with American incompetence. As of late, I've been inundated with it on a daily basis. While I have many, many friends and family who don’t fall under this category, it seems that a vast amount of us do. We have trouble doing the simplest of tasks…especially (and ironically) the ones that fall under our “job description”. It’s not a wonder why we continue to be passed up (and laughed at) by other nations (usually ones WE scoff at) when our poor work ethic and our inflated sense of “being owed” is egregiously out of control. Whether it’s the automotive industry, medical field, service sector, government, mortgage and banking, or any of the hundreds of other industries out there, we often lack the most basic of proficiencies. We need secondary “watch dog” agencies to overlook our every move and ensure we don’t cut corners out of laziness or greed. When we do commit errors, we are reluctant to take responsibility and even stand behind flagrant half-truths (as well as bold-faced lies)…all the while sporting a self-appreciative smirk on our face and an obnoxious sign on our tip cup. For Christ’s sake, HAVE SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK and YOUR LIFE, America! Our country is going down the tubes and all we’re worried about is who got kicked off Dancing with the Stars. Come on! Put down your iPhone, Blackberry or Droid for a minute, pay attention to what you’re doing, do it to the best of your ability, and for the love of God, finish what you start!

Just sayin'...

Losing Tastes Like Obeisity

INT. MIDDLE-CLASS HOME - DAY

Two sweaty, 12 year old boys in soccer uniforms sit on the carpeted stairs of a good-sized, suburban home. The boy on the left turns and says

BOY #1

Winning is my favorite thing.

The second kid looks quizzically at his friend. Obviously, the soccer game did not go their way.

BOY #2
But we lost today.

Insert small pepperoni pizza piping hot.

BOY #1
(smiling broadly)
No we didn't.

The two boys hungrily dig into the offered pizza slices and laugh as the song “We’re the Kids in America” starts playing in the background...

In the wake of the recent shooting in Arizona and a new spotlight cast on the responsibility of our words and how they influence others, commercials like this one paint an irresponsible picture for our next generation. What exactly is the message in this commercial? It doesn’t matter who wins or loses as long as you get a high caloric and nutritionally devoid snack after it? With that logic, we’ll just end up a nation of overweight losers...wait, ruh roh.

While children shouldn’t be bread into heartless sharks bent on winning at all costs, saying it's not just ok to lose but also to reward oneself with hurtful vices is teaching children a dangerous lesson: placate your failure with feel-good distractions even if they’re detrimental to your health, wealth and prosperity. Next thing you know we’ll get dropped from the list of most productive economies, suffer increasing unemployment and have wrestlers, actors and tea-bagging, sports anchors occupying our political offices...wait, doh!

From Days Past

I can remember when I was 12 or 13, I was hanging out with a friend a couple blocks from my house when it started to drizzle. I booked it home to avoid getting drenched as it quickly started to really come down. As I was sprinting home, I could feel the rain pelting my head and shoulders. Then all of a sudden it stopped, and so did I. I turned my palms and face up to the sky, but felt nothing; no rain. Kind of confused, I turned around and looked across the street from where I had just run. To my shock and amazement, not 10 feet from where I stood, it was raining like a Thai Monsoon; literally a wall of precipitation. I walked to the edge of the downpour and stuck my hand in it to make sure it was real. It was, and it was really bizarre. I had never seen anything like it before or since. It only lasted for about 20 seconds before it began to rain on me, as well. I walked home soaked, but in a daze. Even at that age, I knew that I had just witnessed something extremely special.

Death of a Salesman? Is this the Beginning of the End for Mike "The Situation"?

Is the Jersey Shore's megalomaniac and unabashed, self-promoting, Mike "The Situation" out of control? Is the limelight going to his head and the pressures of being a national celebrity finally taking a toll on his sanity? Are the producers at MTV, in hopes of continued high viewership, stoking the drama fire to keep the Sitch's behavior at sensational levels? Were the MTV editors just being creative with the footage they showed up until now? Or, is the Situation just being himself and, now, being unrestricted (and a lot of time lauded for his outrageous behavior) just letting his true colors shine through? In truth, it's probably a little bit of all these things and a whole bunch more. Whatever the case, though The Situation believes himself to be the glue holding this gang of Guidos together, he has, in fact, had his tiffs with each of the 7 other housemates (with perhaps the exception of Paulie D.)

A very quick breakdown of The Situation's run-ins with his fist-pumping housemates:

Angelina - despite spotty reports of off-season hook-ups with The Situation, there was no love lost between the two when she returned on the second season. Repeatedly clashing with Angelina and coming up with some of the most hilariously demeaning insults (including calling her a hamster and giving her the moniker, "Trash Bags") Mike was instrumental in her finally packing up and leaving the show (again.)

Sammi & Roni - although initially infatuated with each other, when Sammi chooses Roni over him despite a shared kiss, The Situation, begins to bump heads with the couple. It never comes to blows with Roni, but given Roni's temper, Mike, out of self-preservation, probably made a calculated decision to move on to easier game (and I don't blame him. Roni's "roid rage" was kinda scary.)

Snooki - Even though they seem pretty tight. Snooki has grown increasingly more comfortable in her own skin and is starting to shirk the dominion that Mike tries to enforce over her and the rest of the house. In last night's episode, the two of them went at it two nights in a row with Mike shockingly slapping her for not wanting to leave the instant he did.

Vinny - Part of the MVP (Mike, Vinny and Paulie) Vinny has played a back seat in screen time to his more famous and gregarious partners. However, on numerous occasions, Mike has been guilty of pursuing girls that Vinny has shown interest in or already kissed (which is the Guido equivalent of dating; sex being the equivalent of marriage.) Going as far as "committing robbery" on Vinny with a tipsy clubber Vinny kissed only moments before him (classy, right?) And because the first time worked, Mike thought he'd try it again in last night's episode with Vinny' new girl with whom they both seemed to be infatuated.

JWOW - Their strong personalities have led them also to clash heads often, culminating in Jwow actually punching Mike in the face during the 1st season. There is definitely a bubbling hostility brewing just below JWOW's surface and her tendency to solve problems with her fist instead of brain has all the trapping of another big blow out with him.

DJ Paulie D - Despite being The Sitch's GTL partner in crime and the third member of MVP, Paulie has admitted that his friend has grown increasingly aggressive and impatient as of late. And while, Paulie thinks Mike's brash behavior only makes him look more of nice guy in comparison. It's not certain how long the laid-back DJ can continue to overlook his friend's antics.

With an estimated $5 Million (yes, million) coming in from endorsements, public appearances and television, it's hardly all doom and gloom for the man known as The Situation. However, the American people can be fickle (just ask Myspace or HD-DVD) and the corporate money train will come to a halt with a quickness, should he lose the hearts (and I would say minds, but this IS The Jersey Shore, afterall) of the viewing public. So, if you find yourself shirtless and alone at 2am this time next year getting dissed by even the "grenades" you love to shun, you'll only have yourself and your own ego-mania to blame. Michael, you've been warned, and that's the real situation.

Please, Someone Shoot Sarah Silverman in the Face

I was going to write a blog detailing my impressions of her stand-up comedy skills and overall comedic, world-view...but it seems my title already summed it up perfectly

If you're Slovenian (or a Mali ref,) I hate you so much right now

But...you had some help...queue Referee Koman Coulibaly of Mali (who is refereeing his first, hopefully last, World Cup game) who added his unique stamp to the hearts and minds of all US soccer fans. Even as U.S. players enveloped him with bodies and pleading for an explanation, Coulibaly kept his trap snapped firmly shut which is (ridiculously) his right under FIFA rules.

In the US/Slovenia match, a deep schism became clearly apparent...this is not [American] football, where officials make microphone-enhanced calls to the viewing audience, neither is it basketball nor hockey where hand signals betray each trip, slash and charging penalty. It's not even the case where a manager can come out on field and argue with the umpire as in baseball. In the soccer (with FIFA's blessing) a ref is king of his kingdom and beholden to no man, woman or pissed-off footballer. For once, it's America, with its sometimes non-sensical sports like football (at least in name) where the use of a player's foot is only ever so often required which seems to make perfect sense when weighed against the practices of soccer's internationally-governing body, FIFA.

However, the football travesty of the US/Slovenia match is having a galvanizing effect on US soccer fans. We've been wronged, and for the first time, casual soccer fans now have a reason to watch (and cheer for) our nation's team in the World Cup.