Directly from his column:
"I haven’t donated to the Haitian relief effort for the same reason that I don't give money to homeless men on the street..." "Based on past experiences, I don't think the guy with the sign that reads 'Need You're Help' is going to do anything constructive with the dollar I might give him. If I use history as my guide, I don't think the people of Haiti will do much with my money either." (At least he waited for an appropriate time to roll out his economic and humanitarian analyses.)
But if Shirley's personal anecdotes should fall on deaf ears, he also parlayed his apathy directly to the Haitian people:
"Dear Haitians," he begins, "First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.
"As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?"
And to show that he wasn't biased towards only impoverished and down-trodden foreigners, Shirley gives his two cents on our own country's recent natural disaster:
"We did the same after Hurricane Katrina," he writes. "We were quick to vilify humans who were too slow to respond to the needs of victims, forgetting that the victims had built and maintained a major city below sea level in a known target zone for hurricanes. Our response: Make the same mistake again. Rebuild a doomed city, putting aside logic as we did."
...wow, is this guy a polymath or what?
Coincedentally, Shirley has been informed that his freelance writing skills are no longer required at ESPN. Unlike both Katrina and the recent earthquake in Haiti, we could see that one coming a long way off.
