America's GNP...lil Rush Limbaughs

America's new national export... prepubescent conservatism. Woo hoo. Touted as the next Rush Limbaugh, 14 yr old Jonathan Krohn may indeed be the new face of neo-conservatism.

Now, brushing aside the obvious political banter, I am not interested (in this post, at least) in pushing some political agenda. On the contrary, I find the far more interesting side of the story to be our nation's preoccupation with youth and the political fostering of this home schooled child. It's a little sad when the betterment of society misses out on a superior mind. And while there are a million valid reasons (at least to the people who make them) for the societal value of politics and political theory, its only real, intrinsic value comes through its social commentary; a snapshot of our current public state-of-mind. It does NOT improve it however. At the heart of politics is an extremely complicated set of practices and institutions bent on reorganizing, reinforcing, or maintaining balances of power, and the pursuit of the best practices and control over the most influential institutions is [by far] more of an American pastime than baseball ever was.

I also find it mildly ironic that the majority of this child's life is spent in pursuit of an arena of society which he can only tangentially affect (although, some would argue that speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) is much more than a tangentially influential affectation.)

Never Get Pinched for a DUI Again!


I've been reading this fascinating new book, Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman. It's definitely a departure from the books I normally digest with topics schizophrenically bouncing from time travel to truth in advertising, but nestled among the intellectual [albeit done well] posturing, there is a chapter appropriately entitled, "The Best Response." Within that brief chapter, I happened on to this...

The best response to a police officer who's just asked the question "Have you been drinking tonight?"

"That's a great question, and I totally understand why you're asking it. I can see where you're coming from, sir. I realize my behavior seems a little erratic. I smell vaguely of alcohol, I'm in a motor vehicle, and it's three o'clock in the morning. It's a unique circumstance. But I'm not intoxicated. I'm distraught. I'm a hyper-emotional person who can't accept the inherent unfairness of the universe. Have you ever read Arthur Schopenhauer? You know, that dead German pessimist? He once said that the vanity of existence is revealed in the form that existence assumes: in the infiniteness of time and space contrasted with the finiteness of the individual in both; in the fleeting present as the sole form in which actuality exists; in the contingency and relativity of all things; in continual becoming without being; in continual desire without satisfaction; in the continual frustration of striving of which life consists. Crazy, right? i don't really get what he's saying. But I do know this, officer: That's how I feel all the time. And to make matters worse, I'm an insomniac. I haven't slept more than two hours in any given night since I was sixteen. that's why I'm awake right now, wandering the roadways of quasi-reality, living my wretched, vampiric existence. I suppose you could say I was suicidal, but too depressed to kill myself. And then, when I saw the rolling blue lights of your squad car in my rearview mirror, I realized that nothing I could say or do would reflect positively on my condition. The game was over. I've lost. Why fight it? I pulled over to the side of the road, depressing the parking brake, turned off my vehicle, and imbibed one full shot of Bombay gin, which I happen to keep in the glove box of my car, precisely for this type of situation. That is the alcohol you smell. in fact, it's still coating the inside of my mouth. Which also means that if you give me a Breathalyzer right now, the remnants of the alcohol will still be there, so I'll fail the test, even though I'm not intoxicated. So-- to answer your original question -- yes. I have been drinking. I've had exactly one drink tonight, thirty seconds ago, in response to the hopelessness of existence. Do I still need a lawyer?"